Speak to your cloud

Speak to your cloud.
I was asked by my therapist about my inner critic. Could I picture my inner critic? All I could think of was a heavy, dark, all-encompassing cloud hanging over me, lowering the temperature and the mood on any given day. How do I get rid of a cloud? I can’t just change the weather or the climate and atmosphere of my life, can I? I just have to deal with it. Buy an umbrella or a warm jacket and cuddle up with a soft safety blanket and some comfort food. That’s what I’ve been doing my whole life. Hiding in a cave, trying to get as comfortable as possible.

But I was encouraged to speak to my inner critic, speak to the cloud. How do you speak to a cloud? The only other person I could remember speaking to clouds was Jesus in the Bible. In his case it was a violent, life-threatening storm while they were in a small boat in the middle of the night. His companions were freaking out while Jesus was sleeping soundly, exhausted from a full day of healing and delivering large crowds in the town of Capernaum. (Matt 8) His disciples had to wake him up as they were about to get swamped by the high waves.

As he woke up, he started off by rebuking his disciples by saying: where is your faith? Or: why didn’t you command the storm to be stilled yourselves? In other words: you guys are not victims of your circumstances. I have given you power. You can speak to your circumstances, speak to your cloud and situations will change. You are not helpless. I have given you authority.

And then Jesus showed them how it’s done. Two simple steps.
1. He stood up
2. He rebuked the storm.

The first step is not insignificant. We need to stand up. Take a stand. Rise up into our true identity. You cannot be laying down rebuking storms, or even sitting down for that matter. You need to rise up. Make a decision in your heart: “That’s enough. That’s it.” Put your foot down: “I’m not taking this anymore”. Face your cloud. Face your storm. You can do it. Face your accuser, your inner critic, the lies. That’s important.

The second step is rebuking. It comes from the Old French word rebuchier: hack down, beat back. I picture a wild, invasive bush you need to constantly cut back so it doesn’t overtake the area. It’s a verbal smack-down. You confront. It’s a power word. I realized this is what I’ve been letting “the cloud” do to me: criticizing and scolding me. Keeping me small, keeping me down, making me feel like I’m always in trouble, glancing down on me like a grumpy grown-up looking over their glasses ready to reprimand me.

Now it’s my turn. The tables are turned. I need to rise up and start rebuking the cloud, the storm. The lies. Weather systems. “I rebuke you, cloud. Be quiet. Be still. You have no power over me. I command you to lose your grip over me”.
Now, I’m in command. I’ll take charge. I’m not helpless. I have powers. I’ll take control over my life. I’ll stand up in the boat, against all odds, all safety rules. I’ll risk it, trusting my boat is big enough to carry me standing up. I’ll find my center of gravity, my balance and start speaking to the cloud. No matter who’s watching.