What’s my nickname?

Lately I’ve been asking God questions during my prayer time. Questions like: what nicknames do you have for me?
When I was a little girl everybody called me “Lillan” which means “little one” in Swedish, since I was the youngest of 3 siblings. When I reached a certain age, five or six years old, I did NOT want to be called Lillan anymore since I considered myself a “big girl”. That made my older brothers call me Lillan even more, just to tease me. My uncle came up with the nickname Magdalillan as a compromise between the two names. I secretly liked this nickname, although I pretended to act offended.

In school everyone shortened my name to Maggan. That name has stuck with me for all my Swedish friends and family. When I lived in Portugal I went by Maggie and here in the US it’s mainly been Mags. I like to present my full name to new people I meet and see what nickname they’ll come up with, since my full name, Magdalena, is sort of a mouthful.

During my ten years in Stockholm there was another lady called Maggan in our same circle of friends so they started calling me “little Maggie” (Lill-Maggan) and the other Maggan was “big Maggie” (Stor-Maggan). I didn’t mind at all, since the diminutive form usually is a sign of endearment. It warms my heart when my daughter calls me: “min lilla mamma” which means “my little mommy”. I don’t need to prove myself to “be big” anymore. I can rest in being loved and accepted for who I am, like a weaned child on my mother’s lap (Ps 131:2).

The other day when I was asking Jesus about his nickname for me, l decided to look up the biblical meaning of Lily since the word “little” in Swedish sounds like Lily (lill- lilla). This is what I found: the lily symbolizes beauty and delicacy, innocence and purity, resurrection and New Life. The shape of the lily is that of a straight trumpet. The pillars of the temple had lily designs. All these symbols were really encouraging to me and what I feel is my life’s calling and my place in the kingdom – being a part of His Living Temple, like a pillar and a herald of his goodness, like a trumpet. But what really blew me away was when I looked up the word “lily” in Hebrew letters – shosh
שׁוּשַׁ
That is Shin – Vav – Shin.
The Hebrew letters all have numeric values and they are also pictographs. The letter Vav pictures a little hook or a tent peg. Vav is the connecting force, the divine hook that binds together heaven and earth. It’s the sixth letter of the Hebrew alphabet. The sixth month, June, also happens to be my birth month! This spiked my interest to look up the number value of the letter Shin. Lo and behold – Shin is the 21st letter of the Hebrew alphabet. June 21st is my birthday! I felt so loved and known in the moment I discovered this. These numbers 21 – 6 – 21 and the name Lily, shosh, became truly personal to me. All the hairs on my arms were standing up (and I have very hairy arms).

The letter Shin is the picture of three flames, the symbol of fire and also teeth. Both the tooth and fire meanings of Shin refer to a process of transformation, breaking down, grinding into particles – the whole process of transformation, healing, breaking and restoring. The fire also represents the unchangeable, the unmovable, and thus is a symbol of divine power. I was seeing myself as the hook that has captured a king. I’m surrounded by his fire, his love, his divine power, all enclosed, sandwiched in the middle. The letter Vav, number 6, is a symbol for humankind, the number of man. I have actually captured his heart. “A king is held captive by your flowing curls… you have captured my heart with only one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace…” states Song of Songs. This beautiful love poem has so many layers of meaning and depth in its descriptions of – not only human, romantic love – but the love relationship between Jesus and His Bride, where I’m personally included. I am not just “mere man” (1 Cor 3:3) but I’m more. So much more.